Phobophobia

Phobophobia- an abnormal fear of developing a phobia; anxiety about showing symptoms of a phobia. 

I'm afraid to show others my fears. 

Especially to those who look to me to not be afraid.

Truth is I'm scared. 

 

I'm scared to dream. 

So much darkness and too much confusion for comfort.

I fear that one day my nightmares will become a reality.

I used to wish I'd dream of you,

But lately you've been in my nightmares.

I'm not saying you're a nightmare, but you frighten me.

Maybe because I'm controlled by my fear of one day losing you.

I'm afraid of addiction.

There are far too many people in my family who have falling victim to this "disease."

I dont want to get too close to this contangious form of torture.

So I keep my distance. 

I listen in on the conversations that always end in my grandma crying.

Take me back to the days where i didnt know what drugs are or the fact that you can so easily become a slave to them.

Take me back to when all fears were irrational and when my mom would tell me that none of this was real.

But now when i tell my mother my fears she shrugs and says "thats life"

I'm afraid of growing up